And I'm not sure if it is even worth posting on here anymore.
I guess I better explain. I can't really tell back when, but I've been under the sway of delusions for the better part of half my life. I'm don't really know the exact reason why but I tend to hallucinate and make shit up and, well, generally go bonkers.
I wasn't really lying a few months back when I was interested in the mythos and whatever and I started getting curious. I started thinking about Slendy and what he is and what he does and started trying to theorize on different... Well, you've probably seen those posts by now.
One of my earlier posts was about how Slendy acts when he deals with people who were mentally ill before his influence. Not long after, I kind of had the idea to, well... Stop taking my pills. I hadn't ever really run into him, or any proxies or anything... So, well, I figured that a personal experience would be for the best. It'd be easy to track and I'd be able to just start taking my pills again if things went south. And for a while, I guess it worked alright.
Of course, I never ran into Slendy, and I lost my pills in one of my episodes a few days after filling the prescription. I tried to hide it for as long as possible, but everything time this has happened before my dad got really upset with me so I usually try to hide it until I can get refilled... But I relapsed (is that the right word) earlier this time.
I did just get out of a hospital after my car crash. They needed to keep me in longer because I had an allergic reaction between my meds and the painkillers for the surgery on my leg... Oh yeah, right, forgot to mention the shard of metal that got lodged in there. It wasn't overly major, but the whole mix kind of ran my family up a lot in hospital bills, car repair bills and stress, so I'm not going to be doing that again any time soon.
To my few readers, I guess I don't have a lot else to say. I'm not really... anything to anyone at this point. I don't have a role to fill or things to do. I still want to stay around and comment on people and help when I can, but... Well, I dunno.
I'm gonna try and get my head on straight.
Take care, guys.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
What I Have
Maurice, tried to take your adive
Escape is impossible
Don't know why
In the hallway's
Ceilings
Auto-
Loops
Found something
In the walls
Losing it
Everyone, stay safe
See you later
Escape is impossible
Don't know why
In the hallway's
Ceilings
Auto-
Loops
Found something
In the walls
Losing it
Everyone, stay safe
See you later
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
short transcription
should've been out by now, right?
still feeling fuzzy. don;t like
heard the doctors(???0 talking earlier gotta write it down
one kepy laighing
no no no come on you were taught better than this.
OK. OK.
One kept laughing and talking about a vacation or something. How something was easy and fun and... more easily broken than other things. Can't really remember what.
The other reminded him that they had a job to do and that their stay here couldn't last forever.
They gave me the laptop again and told me to keep people up to date on my condition.
I hope I'm getting out of here soon. This hospital room looks filthy. The light doesn't work and the cement floor is cracked and the IV hardly looks sanitary and
dammit dzizy again
this isnt right im not that hurt
gotta calm down
so tired again. always tired about now.
still feeling fuzzy. don;t like
heard the doctors(???0 talking earlier gotta write it down
one kepy laighing
no no no come on you were taught better than this.
OK. OK.
One kept laughing and talking about a vacation or something. How something was easy and fun and... more easily broken than other things. Can't really remember what.
The other reminded him that they had a job to do and that their stay here couldn't last forever.
They gave me the laptop again and told me to keep people up to date on my condition.
I hope I'm getting out of here soon. This hospital room looks filthy. The light doesn't work and the cement floor is cracked and the IV hardly looks sanitary and
dammit dzizy again
this isnt right im not that hurt
gotta calm down
so tired again. always tired about now.
Monday, July 11, 2011
hospital thought
glad they gave me a laptop
been thinking
all i can do here
imagine
imagine
a philosophical border
that your trapped in a ravine after being lost in the woods
the two sides
on the left theres only oblivion
a path that will lead you to ultimate destruction
to death and insanity psychological stress and falls
but in doing so you are able to keep your dignity
your pride
your sense of right
the end
a lighter and some gas
a final strike at that which slighted you
and perhaps the action will still get yous aved
on the right theres people looking for you
salvation
saviors
but they are on the edge of the woods
and they cants ee you
down there
so in order to get out
you must risk them
and hope what you have done wont kill them
or maybe youre angry
and hope it will
what path would you take?
been thinking
all i can do here
imagine
imagine
a philosophical border
that your trapped in a ravine after being lost in the woods
the two sides
on the left theres only oblivion
a path that will lead you to ultimate destruction
to death and insanity psychological stress and falls
but in doing so you are able to keep your dignity
your pride
your sense of right
the end
a lighter and some gas
a final strike at that which slighted you
and perhaps the action will still get yous aved
on the right theres people looking for you
salvation
saviors
but they are on the edge of the woods
and they cants ee you
down there
so in order to get out
you must risk them
and hope what you have done wont kill them
or maybe youre angry
and hope it will
what path would you take?
Monday, July 4, 2011
boom
saw the light finally
been a few daays
sorry busy sleeping
leg hurts arm hurts head hurts everything hurts
want to type correct syntax but fck it
oh right guess what
proxies know how to cut the brakes out of a car
hahaha hurts to laugh
woke up to fireworks today
gotta enjoy the little things
no ones telling me about the cras
dont think i wanto know
tired again
take care guytds
been a few daays
sorry busy sleeping
leg hurts arm hurts head hurts everything hurts
want to type correct syntax but fck it
oh right guess what
proxies know how to cut the brakes out of a car
hahaha hurts to laugh
woke up to fireworks today
gotta enjoy the little things
no ones telling me about the cras
dont think i wanto know
tired again
take care guytds
Friday, July 1, 2011
Martyr or Murderer
OK, I still feel like shit, but at least my head isn't spinning anymore.
So, yeah, my plan a couple of days back failed pretty spectacularly. I guess searching for the Bleeding Tree isn't as easy as it seems?
...alright, I can explain. I'm going back to my game explanation though.
We're all absolutely sure who the players are (runners, fighters, infected, proxies, The Big Man himself, etc).
The entry condition seems to be simply becoming aware of Him.
It's seeming like the only exit conditions are A) complete mental wipe and B) becoming an hero.
But honestly, we don't have any fucking clue what the terms are. What's the goal? How do we fight back? Can we fight back? Running never seems to work for long, according to the evidence. Fighting back and finding weapons has only really lead to despair and death. So what's left?
Well, nothing. We're playing a game we don't know the rules to, and every time someone makes an illegal move something terrible happens. But that doesn't stop people from trying. Every time there's something to hold on to, we clutch and pray for a way out... until we realize that we were just given that piece of safety as a crutch to be yanked from under us.
...I guess what I'm trying to say is that if there are rules, we need to find them. Going straight for the kill hasn't worked and isn't working. Running, fighting proxies, research... I can't help but feel like, if there was some way to kill Him without knowing everything, someone would have by now.
So if knowledge doesn't work, what is there left? Religion? Pfffft.
So, yeah. I figured trying to find the Bleeding Tree would be a good way to try and figure something out. Why I thought this would end any other way than badly, I don't know.
I went down to a local park and ventured into the woods. MISTAKE #1: I went into the woods.
I figured, based off the descriptions, that without my eyes I'd either know when I was there by a chill running down my spine or the whisperings of an insane tree, so I decided to try hiking around for a bit, then putting on the blindfold. I had a walking stick with me, so I figured I'd be able to use that to scope out the terrain and get around, albeit slowly. MISTAKE #2: Fucking blindfold.
As I ventured around, I couldn't hear anything except the wind through the trees and the confused questions of nearby naturalists. I was able to get by them by claiming that I was doing this for a self-imposed project of walking a mile in another man's shoes and trying out the most difficult situation I could think of while being blind. A few chastised me for being foolish (read: a dumbass) but a lot of others were actually oddly supportive. I guess political correctness and that sort of shit is a pretty big deal nowadays. About 30 minutes in...
Ugh. I'm really gonna feel dumb for saying this.
I smashed my face into a tree. I tumbled, head over heels over head repeated at least a dozen times, rolling downhill. I woke up about ten minutes later, a few people clustered around me. They had apparently seen my fall, and a few ran off to go get help while the others helped me recover. They splashed some water on my nose, which was bleeding pretty badly at the time, and helped me into a more 'sprawled out on the ground' position. Eventually, I was able to convince them I was alright and was able to stumble my way back up and out of the forest. I came home, stuck tissues up my nose so I wouldn't bleed myself out, took a few painkillers I picked up on the way back, and promptly passed out for what seems like most of a day.
So yeah. Feeling like shit.
Better explain the title. Yeah, I'm sticking by what I said last post. Seems like everyone wants to be a martyr or a murderer. Advance or abscond, pupa. Wonder how things are going to work out for everyone. Seems like a lot of shit is happening in concentrated bursts right now.
Oh, right. Proxies keyed my car. Operator symbols again. Just felt like throwing that out there.
Alright, room's getting a bit fuzzy again. Going back to sleep. Gonna make something over the weekend. We'll see how it works.
Take care, guys.
So, yeah, my plan a couple of days back failed pretty spectacularly. I guess searching for the Bleeding Tree isn't as easy as it seems?
...alright, I can explain. I'm going back to my game explanation though.
We're all absolutely sure who the players are (runners, fighters, infected, proxies, The Big Man himself, etc).
The entry condition seems to be simply becoming aware of Him.
It's seeming like the only exit conditions are A) complete mental wipe and B) becoming an hero.
But honestly, we don't have any fucking clue what the terms are. What's the goal? How do we fight back? Can we fight back? Running never seems to work for long, according to the evidence. Fighting back and finding weapons has only really lead to despair and death. So what's left?
Well, nothing. We're playing a game we don't know the rules to, and every time someone makes an illegal move something terrible happens. But that doesn't stop people from trying. Every time there's something to hold on to, we clutch and pray for a way out... until we realize that we were just given that piece of safety as a crutch to be yanked from under us.
...I guess what I'm trying to say is that if there are rules, we need to find them. Going straight for the kill hasn't worked and isn't working. Running, fighting proxies, research... I can't help but feel like, if there was some way to kill Him without knowing everything, someone would have by now.
So if knowledge doesn't work, what is there left? Religion? Pfffft.
So, yeah. I figured trying to find the Bleeding Tree would be a good way to try and figure something out. Why I thought this would end any other way than badly, I don't know.
I went down to a local park and ventured into the woods. MISTAKE #1: I went into the woods.
I figured, based off the descriptions, that without my eyes I'd either know when I was there by a chill running down my spine or the whisperings of an insane tree, so I decided to try hiking around for a bit, then putting on the blindfold. I had a walking stick with me, so I figured I'd be able to use that to scope out the terrain and get around, albeit slowly. MISTAKE #2: Fucking blindfold.
As I ventured around, I couldn't hear anything except the wind through the trees and the confused questions of nearby naturalists. I was able to get by them by claiming that I was doing this for a self-imposed project of walking a mile in another man's shoes and trying out the most difficult situation I could think of while being blind. A few chastised me for being foolish (read: a dumbass) but a lot of others were actually oddly supportive. I guess political correctness and that sort of shit is a pretty big deal nowadays. About 30 minutes in...
Ugh. I'm really gonna feel dumb for saying this.
I smashed my face into a tree. I tumbled, head over heels over head repeated at least a dozen times, rolling downhill. I woke up about ten minutes later, a few people clustered around me. They had apparently seen my fall, and a few ran off to go get help while the others helped me recover. They splashed some water on my nose, which was bleeding pretty badly at the time, and helped me into a more 'sprawled out on the ground' position. Eventually, I was able to convince them I was alright and was able to stumble my way back up and out of the forest. I came home, stuck tissues up my nose so I wouldn't bleed myself out, took a few painkillers I picked up on the way back, and promptly passed out for what seems like most of a day.
So yeah. Feeling like shit.
Better explain the title. Yeah, I'm sticking by what I said last post. Seems like everyone wants to be a martyr or a murderer. Advance or abscond, pupa. Wonder how things are going to work out for everyone. Seems like a lot of shit is happening in concentrated bursts right now.
Oh, right. Proxies keyed my car. Operator symbols again. Just felt like throwing that out there.
Alright, room's getting a bit fuzzy again. Going back to sleep. Gonna make something over the weekend. We'll see how it works.
Take care, guys.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Ow
If someone ever says to you 'Hey, buddy, I'm gonna go take a walk in the woods while blindfolded in hopes of finding something'... Please stop them.
Thank goodness I wrapped up those hedge clippers. Nasty little tumble down a hill. Just kind of bruised. Few cuts.
Painkillers kicking in now. Going to bed early. More tomorrow.
Thank goodness I wrapped up those hedge clippers. Nasty little tumble down a hill. Just kind of bruised. Few cuts.
Painkillers kicking in now. Going to bed early. More tomorrow.
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