Martyr or Murderer

OK, I still feel like shit, but at least my head isn't spinning anymore.

So, yeah, my plan a couple of days back failed pretty spectacularly.  I guess searching for the Bleeding Tree isn't as easy as it seems?

...alright, I can explain.  I'm going back to my game explanation though.

We're all absolutely sure who the players are (runners, fighters, infected, proxies, The Big Man himself, etc).

The entry condition seems to be simply becoming aware of Him.

It's seeming like the only exit conditions are A) complete mental wipe and B) becoming an hero.

But honestly, we don't have any fucking clue what the terms are.  What's the goal?  How do we fight back?  Can we fight back?  Running never seems to work for long, according to the evidence.  Fighting back and finding weapons has only really lead to despair and death.  So what's left?

Well, nothing.  We're playing a game we don't know the rules to, and every time someone makes an illegal move something terrible happens.  But that doesn't stop people from trying.  Every time there's something to hold on to, we clutch and pray for a way out... until we realize that we were just given that piece of safety as a crutch to be yanked from under us.

...I guess what I'm trying to say is that if there are rules, we need to find them.  Going straight for the kill hasn't worked and isn't working.  Running, fighting proxies, research...  I can't help but feel like, if there was some way to kill Him without knowing everything, someone would have by now.

So if knowledge doesn't work, what is there left?  Religion?  Pfffft.

So, yeah.  I figured trying to find the Bleeding Tree would be a good way to try and figure something out.  Why I thought this would end any other way than badly, I don't know.

I went down to a local park and ventured into the woods.  MISTAKE #1: I went into the woods.

I figured, based off the descriptions, that without my eyes I'd either know when I was there by a chill running down my spine or the whisperings of an insane tree, so I decided to try hiking around for a bit, then putting on the blindfold.  I had a walking stick with me, so I figured I'd be able to use that to scope out the terrain and get around, albeit slowly.  MISTAKE #2: Fucking blindfold.

As I ventured around, I couldn't hear anything except the wind through the trees and the confused questions of nearby naturalists.  I was able to get by them by claiming that I was doing this for a self-imposed project of walking a mile in another man's shoes and trying out the most difficult situation I could think of while being blind.  A few chastised me for being foolish (read: a dumbass) but a lot of others were actually oddly supportive.  I guess political correctness and that sort of shit is a pretty big deal nowadays.  About 30 minutes in...

Ugh.  I'm really gonna feel dumb for saying this.

I smashed my face into a tree.  I tumbled, head over heels over head repeated at least a dozen times, rolling downhill.  I woke up about ten minutes later, a few people clustered around me.  They had apparently seen my fall, and a few ran off to go get help while the others helped me recover.  They splashed some water on my nose, which was bleeding pretty badly at the time, and helped me into a more 'sprawled out on the ground' position.  Eventually, I was able to convince them I was alright and was able to stumble my way back up and out of the forest.  I came home, stuck tissues up my nose so I wouldn't bleed myself out, took a few painkillers I picked up on the way back, and promptly passed out for what seems like most of a day.

So yeah.  Feeling like shit.

Better explain the title.  Yeah, I'm sticking by what I said last post.  Seems like everyone wants to be a martyr or a murderer.  Advance or abscond, pupa.  Wonder how things are going to work out for everyone.  Seems like a lot of shit is happening in concentrated bursts right now.

Oh, right.  Proxies keyed my car.  Operator symbols again.  Just felt like throwing that out there.

Alright, room's getting a bit fuzzy again.  Going back to sleep.  Gonna make something over the weekend.  We'll see how it works.

Take care, guys.