Monday, June 13, 2011

Feeling a bit surreal right now

Yesterday I was told my pet rabbit died.  This is unsettling to me for a lot of reasons...

The first, and hardly least of which, is that I loved my rabbit.  It isn't to say this is a surprise.  She lived to be about 12-ish (I think that was her age, which is a little unclear because she was adopted from the Humane Society), which is really old for a rabbit.  She was having to take medicine for her joints already, and I was told at the end she could barely stand, so it was very humane.  So I guess I'm sad she had to go, but happy she's gone?  I wouldn't have wanted her to hurt any more than she did there.  But I'll miss searching the rec room for her, and watching her eat carrots, and leaning down to stroke her ears....

But, more than that, I guess I'm a little blown away by the fact that she died and I wasn't there.  I'm staying near my college campus two hours away from home to work over the summer, and while I'm not surprised she had to be put down, the fact that it happened... is kind of freaking me out a little.  I know life goes on whether you're in a place or not, but this is the first event in the past three years that's really... impacted me.  I feel kind of split right now.  Half of me is detached due to lack of proximity, and the other half of me wants to mourn.

And, I don't really know how to explain it, but right now I feel... wrong.  Like I'm not all here.  Cloudy in the head, living in a dream, floating around...  I don't know if this is making any sense?  I guess it just kind of feels like I'm half asleep.  It's not a bad feeling, just... unsettling.

heh or maybe its cuz i got like five hours of sleep so tired sllee pno.w hehe

Jeez I wish I could.

I'll... talk about other stuff later I guess.  Take care guys.


  1. Not sure how much you're into symbolism, or how it relates to our, um, situation, but have you considered what rabbits tend to represent in these stories? That alone makes this much more unsettling...

    Ugh, what am I saying? If she was put down because she was old, it has nothing to do with this. I'm considering just not hitting "post comment" on this thing, but...

  2. Hah, it's fine. I'm aware of the symbolism, yeah, so believe me when I say I even felt weird writing this. Just wanted a way to mourn without bringing all my friends down about a rabbit...

    Though I guess that makes me a terrible person, huh? For wanting to bring down completely random strangers about it? Heh.

    I dunno. It felt good to write this. I teared up a little thinking about how I won't see her again, but writing about this sort of stuff... It's cleansing in a way. I can see why blogging is a big deal, I guess. I guess I'll try more of this weird, human action called 'opening up' later.

  3. Did she have a name? Tell me about her.